It seems like all I do these days is moan. Which I don’t like because normally I’m a happy-go-lucky person (occasionally to my detriment), but lately I’ve been sensing a change within me. Of course we all know what the cause of this is. I’ve not mentioned anything about the case on this blog so far, partly because it’s well-covered elsewhere, and partly because I’d rather let this blog stand or fall on it’s own merits.
I’m varying from that this time because I thought the end, or AN end of sorts, would occur last Friday, meaning I could dust myself off and get on with things. Now that it’s adjourned, the hell continues and my sanity plummets ever lower. I’m sure in some quarters, people are thinking “Well it was just a fine you received, it’s not like you face a murder charge” and while that’s true, and I’m trying not to lose my perspective here, that does not mean that the effect on my life has not been catastrophic. At this point, the case (and whatever verdict) are secondary. It’s how I go about picking up the pieces after that. A lot of people say to me that it’ll all be over soon, but it won’t. The case may be, but that’s only one less thing to worry about. By the time that comes around, I’ll likely be bankrupt (ironically, that isn’t hyperbole) and vacantly staring into space while I dribble profusely. This is, without doubt, the hardest period of the whole thing so far, so please bear with me if I become a miserable sod.
I honestly don’t have a plan or a clue. This is new to me. I don’t know which way the verdict will go. I don’t know how easy it’ll be to get a job either in the interim or the long term. I just feel like I don’t know anything, and it’s the scariest thing I’ve ever had to face, that includes standing in the witness box in front of a raft of sour-faced legal people.
So there you go, another self-indulgent moan! Hopefully this time next year I’ll be looking back and lambasting myself for posting it!